Faith and Humility

Another day is ending with a strong sense of gratitude, humility and faith.

I started the day over anslysing a new emerging intimate relationship. Wanted to know whether this relationship was right for me so I could take control and make the right decision. Luckily an angel arrived in the form of a close friend in recovery and I was able to exist in my reality which was not knowing. The discomfort continued but then some joy dropped in behind it.

Another one of my close, but distant friends came to my place tonight. Close geographically and functionally but distant in connection, I felt. He left 5 hours later and whilst 95% of the time we danced a technically correct but emotionally dead dance, 5% of the time we connected. How did this happen ?

Faith and humility. Humility took away the blockages from an honest reflection of myself and faith gave me the courage to connect with my friend, because these connections are where I carry out my higher power’s will, not mine.

I sit here in awe realizing that I can honor the people in my head, and at the same time be available and connect with another human being. I’m also amazed that while my addiction presented me with many downward spirals such as (shame – acting out – shame) my recovery can provide me with equally strong upward spiral such as the one I experienced today (self-connection – external connection – self connection).

I am truly grateful for this.